BLUF:
My boss exhibits certain behaviors I consider inappropriate and unprofessional in a business setting. I'm new to the job and am unsure how to address it.
Behaviors:
a. Answering phone calls during meetings (always)
b. Gossip
c. Provides non-behavioral feedback
What I've done:
1. I've added these to my delta file. I don't want to be that person. :)
2. I've waited 2 months to see if I was misreading the culture and some of these were just reflections of my personal expectations but were acceptable in this setting. I've found people tolerate it due to rank/level, not because they find it acceptable. In fact, they are visibly annoyed/disappointed/confused when it happens.
I know better than to ask "Hey Boss, can I give you some feedback..." so I'm curious if you have thoughts about how to address this.
The phone call one is the biggest offender - disrupts meetings, makes people feel badly because attention is clearly not on their presentation, steals time from the topics at hand, etc. It happens 2-3 times daily.
The gossip part seems to happen unintentionally as an extension of providing non-behavioral feedback. Boss is a very helpful and warm person, but I see many lines being crossed between what I consider appropriate advice/interest in people's performance and their personal lives.
Since feedback is never specific and not behavioral (i.e.: "You are not a good leader", "people think you are lazy", etc), people aren't getting much useful information out of it and when boss repeats the negative ones to someone else, well, that's gossip to me.
My boss has many redeeming qualities and very good at their core skills (strategy, business dev) but these - which I consider core management skills - really don't paint a good picture of this person and really really bother me (and affects largely my reports and their teams) so I am trying to figure out what to do.
What say you fellow managers?
All you can do is live a better example
Make notes (NOT on the company computers!) about the behaviors you have resolved not to exhibit when you are an upper-level manager. Do better with your own direct reports (sounds as if you do).
And, somehow, namedrop "this great podcast I listen to, Manager-tools" in casual conversation. This can't be like the deodorant commercials where two guys take Jim aside in the locker room and say "Jim, you stink, try Acme stick™." You'll have to be subtle. It's the difference between suggesting something and recommending something.
By the way, one of my quiet joys is the way Mark and Mike know the difference between "suggest" and "recommend."
Sounds like my boss
This, sadly, sounds very familiar to me. My boss is quite the same... I'll bet there is a general term for this kind of boss. Mine is high I - high D, seems like it's part of the pattern. It also puts quite a burden on the overall company culture: like when he says "that person did this and this... he's so stupid".
Thing is, I live and work in Japan, and here these kind of bosses are much more standard. With the Japanese' strong hierarchy and group behavior its not much of a problem for them (they are 'trained' to just accept it and keep quiet), only for many of 'us' foreigners. Anyways, I'll be going back to Europe half a year from now, so I'm in "I'll survive"-mode. Since I'll be looking for a new job that time, it made me wonder if there is any way to spot/ find out about such bosses during interviews. Are there some key factors to look for?
Sounds like an ex-boss of mine too!
I used to work for someone like this too. Unfortunately I was made redundant before I could leave of my own accord. Thanks to the advice on the podcasts I started a new job 5 weeks after I was made redundant.
In his case he also used to regularly talk negatively about other people in the company by criticising their character traits. He would only have O3s with me rarely and when he did, would discuss hundreds of things he wanted me to work on, which was just not possible. When I tried to pin him down to focussing on a few keys ones, he would always go off the track again and mention even more things that needed doing.
I also was curious what signs there could be at an interview, because my ex-boss came across like a Manager Tools Manager at my interview there! He seemed very interested in my development and of staffing for the future and continuous improvement. There were no signs at all that he was a gossip and would be difficult for me to work with.
I'm also very keen to hear if anyone has any tips on how to discover these potential issues at an interview!
- Solitaire
p.s. My new manager is great, not a gossip and very professional! We only have montlhy official O3s, but I can and do update her more frequently.